recently, certain connections have come into my life, that have forever changed me.
I feel the act of slowly being molded.
I feel able to see myself more clearly, for better and worse.
It’s a little hard, seeing myself and the pain I am in, hurting people with it along the way.
Realizing that’s what i’ve done in my insensitivity.
I feel like the vice grip I had on my anger and my instinct to push people away at the slightest sign of betrayal is slowly, slowly, sliding off of me.
like this little girl inside me, is just finally crying so deeply, letting it out.
I think I had a hard time accepting accountability for the way I fucked up too,
in so many situations.
I wanted to pretend it was all the other persons fault.
I think it was easier that way, easier then acknowledging just how much pain I must be in.
I could pretend the pain wasn’t so bad, I could ignore myself that way.
But…
Honestly, it sounds fucking corny as hell, the love that has come into my life has made me feel safe enough in my own skin to take accountability deeper.
I think sometimes I forget that human connection is imperfect and beautiful and can be safe.
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