When I Sing

When I first started singing, I did it in nature, in trees, as a little girl.

I wouldn’t think really hard about what to say, I wasn’t trying to impress anyone, I just opened my mouth and let it out.

This is where who I am as a singer today, was born.

Improv Artist.

As an adult, back when I began reconnecting with that little singer, I called it;

“Chasing The Dragon”

I tried to do it the way everyone else does, practice, repetition, perfection.

And it would honestly suck and pale in comparison, to me being allowed to be me.

Nothing ever came out as good as…”Chasing The Dragon”

Improvisation.

The only time I feel understood, and seen, is when I sing my way.

Straight from my heart, to my lips, skipping my mind.

Improvised. Free To Be Wild.

Structures Suffocate Me, and the dragon i’m chasing.

But when I sing, when I let that little girl make up her own rules as she goes along, feeling her way through the creation of a song…

It comes out perfectly.

My music has been my greatest teacher, for it showed me who I am.

It demanded that I really listen.

It would not give me what I wanted,

unless I did.

And damn was I stubborn at first, desperately aching to be more like everyone else, someone other then me.

But slowly, my own voice set me free.

Choosing this path is terrifying.

Absolutely no gurantees.

But if I dont let that little girl, chase that dragon, and fingerpaint with life, guided by her feelings and those alone,

Well then, I’d rather die.

So when I sing, it’s for her.

I surrender my need to fit into the structures of everyone else, of music theory, of chasing painful glory.

She has taught me how to live, this way.

Letting my feelings guide me, throwing all structures to the wind.

Again and Again.

Ultimate Devotion.

To each moment.